Thoughts on FB, Politics & COMMENTS

1. Don't.

Really. Just don't.
If your FB friend posts something you find extremely offensive - consider following this handy guide to determine if they are an actual friend, true FB friend, or just some rando. 

• Do you have their phone #?
• Have you ever met them in person?
• Have you ever had a meal with this person?)

If the answer to all the Test questions is NO - ignore the post and them. You don't know this person - it's hardly worth your time.

2. Take It Offline

If you can't let it go - or if you actually know the person - then send a private msg saying:

"Wtf? Your post really upsets me bc of xyz. I'm personally affected bc my wife/best friend/loved one is pdq. I don't want to get in a long back and forth - bc neither of us has time for that - but I just want to msg and let you know that actual loving breathing people are affected by this topic and here is an example of how: abc."

Or better yet, if you have their phone number, TEXT THEM. Don't play out your conversation in public comments for others to fuel the fire.

3. If You Have To Make A Comment...

Post this:

"This comment/post hurts my soul. Your hatred/bigotry/ ignorance/violence towards a persecuted group has increased my feeling that humanity is doomed. So sad that you feel that need to spread lies and negativity on your wall. I pm'ed you to explain more"

And just leave it at that.
Don't get in an hour's long back and forth - it's not worth it and it changes nothing.
Trust me, you will not change that person's mind.

You can drop a little TRUTH if it makes you feel better. For example:

"There are ZERO reported cases of a transgendered person going into a bathroom and assaulting or bothering ANYONE. Zero cases. Period."

Use facts not opinions. Back up your facts with real sources and research (not just "I saw it on the interwebs").

4. Know When To Walk Away

If it starts to get uglier or personal or name-calling time, just end it.

"This has devolved into name calling /ego trumpeting BS / narcissistic masturbatory idiocy- I'm done. I wish you all the best in all your endeavors. The end."

And go play with a puppy or a toddler or yourself and forget about it. You can't save the world all the time and changing a person's mind on FB is usually impossible.

5. Your Wall, Your Rules

It's different if someone comes for you on your own wall and starts trouble. The answer here is easy:

Just delete their bullshit.

After all - it's your wall.

6. But really, just DON'T

Post cat vids.
"I love you's."
"You are awesome."

If you really want to change the world - meet someone for coffee.
Listen. Respond. Listen some more. Be willing to disagree.

But in the end...

❤️Choose LOVE❤️

ALLOWING - OR NOT ALLOWING - GRIEF

🌟 My Sri Lankan grandmother’s birthday was yesterday! She would have been 91!!!

She was an amazing woman.
She went to university in Sri Lanka when that just wasn’t all that common.

She raised 7 children. 11 grandchildren and 3 step grandkids. 3 great grandkids!! 

She was the head of her household.
Strong and independent.

She is missed! ❤️

💫 My cousin Michelle died of ALS on February 22, 2015.
She was 41.
She was also amazing and wonderful.
She has the biggest heart and the best smile - even when she could barely move because of her condition.

I miss her too! ❤️💜

✨ Rodney’s birthday is tomorrow.
He would have been 53.
He filled the room. He made you feel both giddy and grounded. He was so kind and supportive and good.

I miss him as well! ❤️💜💙

🌈 Katie died on February 14, 2014.

She was one of my dearest and best friends.
I talk about her a lot. I post about her a lot. I miss her a lot.❤️💜💙💛
She has two super fabulous kids - Casey and Maggie - who I see as often as I can. They light up my world! 🤩

Birthdays - Death anniversaries - Life anniversaries - Death days - Life days

We choose how we mark each day.

We choose how to remember and honor our friends and loved ones who are gone.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by it all.

But it’s also easy to get OVER that feeling of too much - too many feelings all at once.

Pick ONE.
Pick one feeling. One emotion. One memory.
It’s hard at first - but it gets easier with practice.
Train your brain.
Focus on just one memory of the person who is no longer here in body but is always here in your memory.

Laugh or cry or smile.

Feel that one emotion deeply and completely - let it overwhelm you- it’s ok to allow that.
Feel it and then release it.
Let it go.
Watch it as it flys off into the sky or to the ceiling or out of the room.
Feel yourself relax as that sensation, that emotion, that feeling leaves you.

You can choose to feel another memory.
Or you can choose to do something else.

It is actually up to you.

Even if a smell or a place or a song triggers a visceral memory or feeling or emotion- YOU choose what happens next.
You can focus on it and FEEL it or you can say
“NOPE! - not right now!! I’m busy!!! I will come back to you later!” and fully feel and experience that moment another time.

We are all rather adept at COPING.
At pushing off a difficult moment to a later time. Postponing the sadness or hurt to a more convenient hour.

HOWEVER

Many of us never allow those moments their due.

Give yourself the time to grieve.
Just as you give yourself time to laugh and love.
Set aside time to mourn and cry.
We all feel better after a good cry.

We also feel better after a raucous belly laugh.

Be sure and schedule those in too!!!
😂🤣😂

What subway do pirates take?
The Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(*Groan* I know I know - TERRIBLE)
(But hopefully you are smiling now)

Enjoy the rest of your day!!😘
Love Love Love Love!!!!!!

FINDING JOY

I googled “How do I find joy?”

Shockingly (HA!) merely reading advice about finding joy didn’t cause me joy.

So what was said? What did I read? What did I learn?

Advice for finding JOY is rather similar to advice for fighting depression.

Like depression - sadness and despair are total fucking assholes and one needs to go at them with all guns blazing and just annihilate the utter livin’ crap outta them.

Tho that probably sounds really exhausting to anyone who’s sad or depressed or despondent...

Let’s try something simpler.

1. MOVE.

Move Your Body.

Ideally you would walk around in the sunshine with birds chirping and puppies frolicking and children laughing- but just walking around the block or even up and down some stairs or through the halls of your building is a start.

If it’s raining or very cold or you just don’t feel like getting dressed.
Climb stairs. 
Roam around your apartment building in your pj’s or sweats- you can tell people you are “getting your steps in” and that it’s just too gross to go outside.
(This works ESPECIALLY well if it’s a beautiful sunny gorgeous day because it renders nosy meddling people momentarily speechless and then causes them to either push for more info or give up and leave you alone) (HA!)

I also like to remind people to EAT and HYDRATE.
Have a healthy snack and drink a full glass of water! 
(Granola bar, piece of fruit, nuts, trail mix, cereal with or without milk, crackers, string cheese, etc)

2. LAUGH
Remember your favorite funny story.

Call or text a friend to remind them of that story or tell them a terrible joke or funny scene from a movie or tv show or play.

Watch a funny movie or show or vid on teh inter-webs.

Read funny books or URLs.

3. DO
Do something.
Get active.
Find a task and accomplish it!

The internets say 

“Volunteer! Do good! Help others!” 

and that is great and true and wonderful but also takes time and planning and maybe you are not up for that right now because you are mourning the loss of a loved one - or several loved ones - (bc everyone seems to die (or be dead but have a birthday) in February and it’s a bit overwhelming) ) (or you are just not feeling it for whatever reason).

Where were we?

We were DOING.

If you are ready to graduate from walking around or exercising or dancing (Shake Shake Shake your booty!) to accomplishing small tasks - BAM! - #3 is for you!

Buy some flowers!
Sing a song!
Do the dishes!
Vacuum!
Dust!
Clean the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!
(Ok - I was mostly kidding with those last 4- housework can be a chore - but it’s can be great bc it’s usually FAST and you see your results immediately and feel accomplished!)

Things to do:
Craft
Make something with your hands
Cook
Bake
Draw
Read a great book
Read a trashy magazine
Play a game
(With friends or on your own)
(Lots of great game apps out there)

Reorganize a small junk drawer
Clear off the coffee table
Clean out a small section of closet/ basement/ garage/ attic
Neaten up your room
Re-home all the crap on your kitchen table/ counter/ dining room table/ couch etc 

(Did I mention I’m also a personal organizer) (shameless plug)

Post on social media!

Side note: If you are feeling down avoiding the news and social media may be BEST. All that info can be overwhelming and depressing!
But there are also cat videos and Fiona the baby hippo and April the baby giraffe so it’s a toss up.

4. SMILE
That’s it. Just practice smiling.
Make ridiculous and whack a doo faces in a mirror.
Smile big.
Smile small.
Smiling has the potential to change your whole day!

(You can also meditate or do yoga or just relax)

5. FORGIVE
Forgive yourself.
Accept yourself.
Forgive your them for dying too soon.
Forgive yourself for out living them.
Cry with total abandon.
Sob.
Wail.
Keen.
Wrack your bodies with waves of sobs and grief.

We usually feel better after a good cry.
Make yourself a hot drink afterwards.
Hug yourself.
Reach out to a friend or loved one if you are up to it.
And then MOVE YOUR BODY!

Birth Life Death
Joy Sadness Joy
It’s all a cycle.
Just don’t get stuck in sadness too long.

The joy is out there. 
In abundance.

Seek it out. 🤪

Thank you for reading.
I’m off to have a snack and move my body and meet friends and frolic in the
open air 😍

I’m a Life Coach, Personal Organizer, and Professional Joy Finder.
Let me know how we can help you find your JOY. ❤️👍